Naked Lives

Change of address

2006-06-05T17:43:00.000Z

I have moved. Please direct all mail accordingly.

Change of address

2006-06-05T17:37:00.000Z

I have moved. Please redirect all mail accordingly.

Today's embarrassing moment

2006-05-25T22:07:00.000Z

Today, I went to the gym. I put on my brand new, specially bought gym gear - a vest top, trackie bums, etc.

The class was 'Body Combat' - basically a mixture of punches, kicks, blocks and shuffles, similar to boxing/kick boxing/self defence. A very intense, energetic class, and one in which you build up a sweat.

At the end of the class, as we were stretching out, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrors. I thought to myself that I should have shaved my armpits before the class.

When I got home, and could have a proper look, the new top had shed fibres all over my sweaty armpits, making it look like I had a small rainforest existing in my pits. How embarrassing.

Stretch and unwind

2006-05-24T20:03:00.000Z

De-stress
Originally uploaded by purrplechick.

So, it's been a pretty stressful and tense last few days/weeks. It's been quite hard on the mind, body and soul to be honest. It's surprising how tense you can get without even realising it, and the first you know of it is when you suddenly realise you're all crunched up and knotted.

Thankfully, the one situation we were most worried about has been removed (here one moment and gone the next, almost as if a magic wand had been waved). Of course, jack's still not 100% but we're still working on that.

So today I did a yoga class again for the first time in months - possibly 2 years. I've been trying to do some in the house but it's hard to be disciplined, especially when a large black labrador thinks it's a game and either drops his ball on your stomach or lies on the mat in front of you, just where you need to put your hands next.

The class was pretty hard going as it's been so long since I went, but boy do I feel good now! My muscles feel alive again, my shoulders have dropped, my neck has lengthened, my lower back no longer aches and my breathing is better. It's amazing what a good stretch can achieve.

Arse

2006-05-07T22:34:00.000Z

I think I set a record in my last blog post - two 'arse's in one post. Not bad.

Some random thoughts

2006-05-07T22:26:00.000Z

Two of my favourite women - Angelina Jolie and Gwen Stefani - are about to drop their sprogs. Both of them still look amazing though in the way that only celeb pregnant women seem to be able to do. I have to wonder whether they are suffering the usual pregnancy woes such as varicose veins, arse grapes and stretchmarks - I guess we'll never know.

I'm about to go away for 3 nights and 3 days for a work related conference. I hate having to go away for work or courses. I miss my own bed, my husband, my dog and my Internet connection (not necessarily all in that order!). It's all such a faff to try to remember to pack everything you need, taking clothes for any eventuality, all your toiletries and products etc. Interestingly though the case that I take for anything up to a week away is the same case that I take for one of our famous Cardiff nights out - equally full.

I think I caught the sun today. My face feels tight, and I have a distinctly browner skin tone. The other people that I went for a walk with are notoriously pale skinned so they'll either be lobsters or milk bottles tomorrow, depending on how (un)lucky they are.

I'm wearing a pashmina. Mr Naked insists on calling it a peshwari. Sigh.

Jack is lying behind me on the sofa as I type this. He keeps kicking me - I have half of one arse cheek and a third of the other on the sofa, and a laptop in my knees. He's resting his head on my back though which is sweet - awww. We get the result of his second blood test tomorrow but I won't be here - I feel like a bad mother :( Fingers crossed for him.

There. I think I've written enough to make up for not having the opportunity to blog for a few days. Speak to you soon!

Jack -an update

2006-05-03T20:14:00.000Z

Jack had a blood test yesterday at the Vet, partly to try to diagnose his ongoing stomach issues and partly to try to diagnose his lack-of-wag/bladder/leg issues. We were told that it would be 2 days before we got the results.

In the meantime, Jack has peed inside a building 3 times (twice in the Vet's) - which he would never normally do. When he pees outside, he walks away before he finishes - so basically he can't tell when he's done. Also very unlike him, he wakes us up in the night to let him out to go to the toilet. His back legs occasionally slide out from underneath him. He's not very happy all in all, and neither are we.

So, we got the results of the blood test today -a day early. The results were that his protein and potassium levels are high (we don't know what this means yet). He has to have another blood test tomorrow, for further tests, and another check up.

So we still don't know what's going on, but hopefully we'll find out soon. In the meantime, he's not allowed to run or go for long walks (which as you can imagine he's not happy about).

On the plus side, Jack's getting lots of attention from people - we're surprised at how many people have called/emailed/sent text messages asking for updates. Jack even got an e-card from his friend in California today which he was chuffed about! Thanks for all the good wishes - we'll keep you informed.

Some days....

2006-05-01T17:54:00.000Z

Some days you're the pigeon, and some you're the statue. Some days you're the dog, and others the lamp post. Some days you're teaching, and other days you're learning.

Funny how when you're flying you never realise quite how high or how easily, but when you're falling you can't remember ever flying.

A sorry tail

2006-04-29T21:14:00.000Z

Poor Jack.

He's a Dog Without A Wag.

His back legs are weak and unstable, his tail hangs down limply and can't wag (and such a fine wag he used to have), he finds it difficult to sit and he's having bladder problems. The vet did a couple of tests on his legs, one of which was to turn his feet upside down to see if he could feel it. He was very slow in reacting to his toes being the wrong way up. This, coupled with his symptoms, led her to believe that there is some damage in the spine. It could be the nerves dying (we hope not), or a clot or lump pushing down on the nerves, or an injury in the spinal area that is inflamed and pushing on the nerves.

We hope it's the latter, as he slid recently and his back legs went from underneath him.

So he's had an anti-inflammatory and an antibiotic injection. On Tuesday he has to go back for a blood test for his bad stomach, and to see how he's getting on - and if he gets worse we're to take him back before that appointment.

He's feeling sorry for himself and wants a lot of love and attention. Which he's getting in spades.

Poor Jack.

There's a lot going on

2006-04-27T23:15:00.000Z

at the moment.

It's a bank holiday weekend so there are people coming to stay, people wanting to meet up because they're coming 'home', people wanting to have barbeques etc.

The last 2 days have been interesting as we travelled 3 hours to another city to see a band, and 3 hours back again.

We've also got some personal shit going on that's upset me somewhat and made me rather anxious.

But today we got asked out by a friend for a drive to one of the best beaches in the area - our friend said it would be good as it's a healing place and he's right. Just being there, breathing in the fresh sea air, looking at the sunset as the sun slowly descends into the sea, and just feeling alive - felt good.

And now we have wine and have eaten some chocolate and have a big hairy dog lying on our laps and taking away our doubts and fears and the world feels a nicer place.

Until tomorrow. But that's another day, and in the Naked Lives household we take one day at a time :)

New shoes

2006-04-23T21:09:00.000Z

Drag Queen Shoot #1
Originally uploaded by swingnut.

Rather like Ms Ana Matronic, since turning 30 I've been feeling more and more like a drag queen trapped inside a woman's body. This has manifested itself in a sudden desire for all things glam and girlie, namely corsets, dresses, skirts, and most importantly shoes. This is quite bizarre for me because for a long time I was strictly a jeans and trainers girl.

A friend of mine says that there should be some kind of Government tax credit for buying shoes, and I have to agree. Having fabulous footwear is turning out to be an expensive mission, but one that is so worth it. There's nothing more exciting than a new pair of shoes, and nothing makes you feel more amazing and glamorous than slipping your feet into a pair of heels. Of course wearing them can be a little painful, but it's the price one must pay for looking great.

Out on a slightly hungover shopping mission yesterday, i accidentally happened upon a pair of the most gorgeous, sparkly, high, slightly platformed pair of shoes that a drag queen or glamour puss could ever hope to have. Slipping my foot inside felt like being Cinderella. The shoes are a vision of loveliness, the height of show(wo)manship, pure glitz and glamour and couldn't not be bought.

Now I just need to be taken somewhere worthy of wearing them.

Bridget Jones

2006-04-18T18:42:00.000Z

Weight today: about 7 pounds heavier than I consider 'acceptable'.
Pounds to lose before Friday night: at least 4.
Number of times chocolate/hot cross buns have been offered and refused: 3.
Bits of chocolate eaten: about 5.
Pink fluffy steering wheels covers seen today: 4.
Dogs in the doghouse: 1.
Alcohol unit drunk: 0 (so far).

Exploring

2006-04-17T20:45:00.000Z

Everyone has favourite places that we go to time after time after time... But sometimes it's good to go someplace new.

We're lucky in that we have the Gower peninsula right on our doorstep, which means that we have miles of sandy beaches within a 15-30 minute drive. However, we tend to keep going to the same beach but today we decided it was time for a change.

Someone had told me of a good walk that starts at a pub (which is always a good place to start) and ends at a beach, via woodland, dunes, open plains etc. It sounded fantastic and the reality was even better than I'd hoped. A happy 2 hour ramble* encompassed all the above plus plenty of wildlife (sheep, cows, horses, birds [including the infamous Whooping Bird] and rabbits), sunshine, wind and fresh air. And a bit of mud, and the possibility of stepping on unexploded bombs. What more could you ask for?

The dog is now pooped and it's all he can do to climb into his basket. I'm pretty pooped too but have that nice achy leg feeling, and a glass of wine is aiding the inner glow I got from the fresh air and exercise.

It's a shame that we tend to take where we live for granted - I'm determined to seek pastures new from now on as much as possible.

*By ramble, I mean meandering walk, and not dressing up in hiking boots, a woolly hat, thick socks and a stick, with a backpack on your back.

Easter Sunday

2006-04-16T16:25:00.000Z

Starbucks was shut. How dare they! Do they not realise that coffee was needed today, of all days, after an extended meeting with Mr J Daniels last night?

So we had Senseo coffee instead, which was nice, but didn't quite have the full Starbucks authenticity (no interesting baristas to look at, for a start).

And now, my other half is in bed, sleeping off his hangover. I'm eating lychees out of a bowl, with chopsticks (I have a friend who eats super noodles with chopsticks for authenticity [that word again that never looks right when I spell it] so I thought I'd better do it too) and reading a call girl's blog. And trying to ignore the chocolate Easter egg that is calling my name.

Funny old day really.

Celebrating birth

2006-04-11T21:53:00.000Z

It was my grandfather's birthday yesterday (10th April). He is 83 years old now! That's not bad going for someone who served in World War Two, who worked in very hazardous and life-threatening conditions in a chemical plant, and who had a heart bypass almost two decades ago.
I love my grandfather extremely much, and I'm sorry that I can't celebrate his birthday with him because he's on holiday in Australia.

Still. It's my best friend Steve's 31st birthday tomorrow! :D I'm going to help him celebrate that one, and I think we'll raise a toast for my grandfather too.
Aries people are famously hot-headed, and these two are no exception ;) But the good bits outweigh any bad, and that's what counts.

Whilst another birthday is for some something they'd rather forget, we must remember that it is just that: a *birth* day. Celebrating the day you came into being on this Earth, and being thankfull for your chance to be here.
If you believe in a Higher Being, in God, or you just believe in yourself, I'm sure you can appreciate the fact that ultimately life is a good thing, and we are lucky to have the chance :)

Boxes

2006-04-10T17:04:00.000Z

My other half has developed a bit of a box fetish. And that's not a euphemism. He's been known to have random fetishes before - there was a time when we couldn't pass a wooden pallet without having to stop and throw it in the back of the car. But this box fetish is starting to take over.

Our kitchen is now full of plastic boxes. It's great, as it means that all the stuff that usually gets thrown in the cupboard (tins, packets, jars etc) are now tidily in boxes so they're more easily accessible. But also it's a bit annoying when you look for something that's always lived happily on a shelf only to find it in the 12th box you've looked in.

We have boxes for everything. The light bulbs are in one box. The first aid stuff and medicines in another. The dog food in another. Hell, even our tupperware boxes are in a box.

Anthea Turner eat your heart out girl!

Celebrating

2006-04-07T20:56:00.000Z

Last week I took an exam. It was a very boring exam, and all about my very boring job, and so I won't go into details here.

Today, when I got home from work, I had a letter and a certificate to say that I passed the exam! I was 3% away from a Distinction, annoyingly, but at least I passed and don't have to put myself through resits.

So that's yet more letters after my name (CISMP this time), and one more tick on our 'Emigrating to Australia Plan'. So tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be Celebrating!

"Political correctness gone mad"

2006-04-07T09:41:00.000Z

BBC News article

I think Judge Jonathan Finestein has a very good point; the world's gone mad!
It's a bit over the top to prosecute a ten year old boy for calling another boy names.

What do you think?...

Cinema not-so-Paradiso

2006-04-06T18:12:00.000Z

I love films, movies, talkies, flicks, whatever you want to call them. I love curling up on the sofa (sometimes with a glass of wine or other beverage) and losing myself in a good storyline. I love the drama, the escapism, the humour, the porthole into another world - there's sometimes nothing better than a great film for making you feel better.

Unfortunately, when the film one wants to see is still a 'new release', one has to suffer one's fellow human beings at the cinema.

I don't know if the type of cinema audiences I encounter are particularly unique to the area in which I live, or whether they are the same the world over, but they sure know how to ruin a great film. There are several types of fellow cinema-goer that one has to endure:

The talker: usually comes in pairs, the talker insists on giving everyone a running commentary throughout the film, which means not only can you not hear the dialogue but you have to put up with their inane comments and questions ('What are they?' - 'I think they're possums' - 'What are possums?' - 'I dunno but they look like rats' etc) and quite often they just downright spoil the film for you by telling you what happens at the end ('I think he dies' etc)

The chomper: eats popcorn, nachos and hot dogs, audibly, right behind you.

The rattler: often combined with the chomper, eats crisps, sweets and chocolates out of a crinkly packet. Or worse, out of a crinkly packet that first has to come out of a plastic carrier bag - and of course it's right at the bottom so they have to rustle past all the other crinkly packets to get to the one they want.

The kicker: often a kid, but not always, the kicker cannot sit still and insists on constantly kicking your chair. If you have long hair, the kicker will often roll out their party trick, which is to kick your chair so high that they trap your hair between their foot and the chair, and thus pull it. Constantly.

The screaming kid: often found in 'family' films but not exclusively, the screaming kid's modus operandi is to shout 'mummy', 'daddy' etc, cry, have a tantrum and run up and down the aisles.

The texter: will alays sit in front of you so all you can see is the blue/green screen of their phone as they constantly text their friends.

The donkey/hyena: will spoil every comedy by laughing loudly and at length at the slightest funny scene. They laugh so long that everyone arounds them misses the dialogue for the next 5 minutes. They stop just in time to catch the next joke, so they can begin again.

The kids on the block: the teenagers who don't really want to be in the cineme, they'd rather be drinking cheap cider out of 2 litre bottles outside the corner shop but their mum's waiting outside to make sure they watch the film and don't sneak off. They often display the characteristics of the texter, kicker, chomper etc but also have their own annoying habits - swearing loudly at any given opportunity, throwing popcorn, hitting each other over the head, going to the toilet in 2s and 3s, wearing cheap Burberry copy tracksuits that rustle, and jangling their 15 Argos 9 carat gold chains.

And then of course there's the person you went with, who hogs the popcorn and the arm rest.

Cinemas? You can stick them. I'm waiting for the DVDs in future.

Here comes the rain again!

2006-03-25T18:20:00.000Z

This week it was officially the first day of Spring, and tonight the clocks go forward as we enter "British Summer Time', so Summer's on the way.

After a cold but relatively dry Winter, Spring has announced itself with a day of unceasing precipitation - peeing down, in other words. Which is nice.

I look forward to the 2.6 days when the rain abates which will be our 'Summer'.

My world - by Jack. Feeling ruff!

2006-03-22T19:15:00.000Z

There's something wrong with me and I don't know what. I keep throwing up all my lovely food when I've worked so hard to get it (all that 'sit, wait' malarkey). It's starting to really get on my bark as I'm starving all the time and getting food off those two is like trying to get squirrels out of trees.

So they took me to that funny place where women do strange things to me, and it smells like other animals' fear. I hate going there, I thought it strange when they picked me up and we set off in the wrong direction. They do horrible things to me there, they once fiddled round with my ear and it hurt and they made me wear a big thing round my neck that kept tripping me up and stopped me getting to my bowl. And balls kept getting stuck in it and rolling round.

I saw the nice lady this time who keeps telling me I'm gorgeous (although she also calls me a big poof, I think that means extra gorgeous). I prefer her to the big scary blonde one with the funny accent - she had squirrels on her feet instead of shoes. I thought about chasing them but they didn't want to play. Anyway, this lady is short and dark and lovely, even if she does insist on shoving something up my bum and holding it there. She never even asks! Just straight up, no warning, not even a back rub first. I tried to sit down but they all jumped on me and rolled me over a bit so she could get it up there. I was a bit annoyed that those two were on her side not mine, I've decided to pinch some more of their socks to get them back.

Anyway, the lady then started to squeeze and prod my stomach. I didn't like it so I lay down, but they rolled me over again. Then she looked at my teeth (I smiled for her). She was talking to those two all the time, I didn't get most of it but think she said 'temperature normal', and then 'X-rays'. Then she stuck something sharp in my neck, I hate that. Grrr! But I didn't bite her because she said I was gorgeous.

So we came home and I was given a 'treat'. Although I think those two have gone a bit mad because the treat wasn't meaty or crunchy like they usually are, it was very small and white and tasted powdery on my tongue. I gave it my best shot though and ate half of it before I couldn't stand it any more and spat it out. They wrapped the other bit up in a meaty treat, yum!

Then they asked me if I wanted food, I was starving at this point. So I did the usual sit/wait stuff they make me do, and when they said I could eat I nearly fell over in shock! Instead of my usual lovely crunchy stuff, this stuff was wet and squidgy. And there was barely half a mouthful there! So I ate it, and looked round for more, but couldn't see any, so I had some water and went back to bed. They kept calling me for food all night, but giving me tiny amounts that wouldn't feed a mouse. i threw up once but only a little bit and they said it didn't really matter.

Then this morning I had some more of that white powdery treat but I was wise this time and kept spitting it out until she wrapped it in bread (yum!). Then we had a walk, then before I knew it I was back in that horrible place! The nice lady was there again, when we first saw her she was holding a black thing that smelt like it should have some mint sauce with it. Anyway, they took me in one of those horrid rooms and she felt my belly again then said I had a 'reprieve' whatever that might be. I think she said something like if I threw up again to go back, so as much as I like her I'm going to try to keep all my food in from now on.

They're still feeding me that squidgy food in little bits though. And I had another white powdery 'treat' with some white sauce on it, the first time I managed to lick off all the lovely white sauce without getting any of the 'treat' on my tongue but the second time there was too much sauce and before I knew it the treat had slipped down again. Must try harder next time, I wonder if I could get three lots of sauce out of them...

Poor Jack

2006-03-21T18:37:00.000Z

Poor Jack is poorly. He keeps vomiting, whenever he's eaten food or drunk water. Every belch, snarkle or cough has us on tenterhooks and clean up alert.

Today is the fourth day of sickness, so we took him to the Vet. It's always a bit of a lottery which vet Jack gets to see, as there are several that work there. One of our party was hoping it would be the Amazonian blonde Irish woman (not me), but luckily Jack got to see the vet who likes him best (although she does call him a big scared poof).

He had a good check up, then an injection, with some tablets and special food to take home. If he continues to vomit tonight, then he'll need to have barium X-rays tomorrow. We have an appointment at 9 a.m. for a progress check and decide what to do next.

I have to go and give him his first tablet now. Cue lots of fuss, tablets being spat across the kitchen, endless lumps of cheese and bread being eaten, etc. Then he can have one spoonful of food an hour later. If he keeps it down, a little more food after another hour. And so on. If he manages to keep it all down, no X-rays. Keep all your fingers and toes (and paws!) crossed for him.

(And for us as today's consult alone cost £56!!)

'I don't have a penny on me'

2006-03-20T21:54:00.000Z

I know someone who never, ever carries cash. If you ask this person to get you something from the shop, and give them the money, and for some reason the cash you've given them is wrong (you didn't remember the correct amount or whatever), then you won't get that item as they don't have the cash to put towards it until they get back to you and you can reimburse them. It's highly embarrassing when, for example, charity collectors come round and they have to say 'can you come back tomorrow?'.

I know that in this here modern day and age the card is King and as long as you know your PIN you'll get by, but sometimes you can't beat cold hard cash. I remember the days when you had to have change in case you had to make a call (in the days when phone boxes were the only 'mobile' phones around) - in fact, I was a Brownie and part of the requisite 'pocket contents' (along with string, a pencil and a notepad) was a 10 pence piece in case you needed to make a call (of course you could make a call for 10p in those days too).

I actually feel a bit panicked if I don't have some cash on me - you never know when you might be in a shop that doesn't accept card transactions under £5, and you look a bit of a plonker trying to buy a newspaper and a packet of polos with a debit card. It's also annoying when you're with someone who never carries cash as you end up subbing them the whole time. I just don't understand it - once or twice sure, as everyone runs out of cash at some point, but all the time? Just a bit strange if you ask me.

Ikea

2006-03-13T18:52:00.000Z

We went to Ikea today, for a candle snuffer (60p) and some candles. And spent £110. Scandanavian scoundrels. Why must they fill their shop with things that you never knew you needed until you saw them there? I'm sure they give everything weird names for just that reason. 'Honey, we need a Klippen.' 'A what?!' "You know, a Klippen, it matches the Praz.' And when you have to ask the shop assistants where you can find something, it's like you've been abducted by aliens... 'Excuse me, where can I find a Gratzen?' "next to the Plinke, opposite the Grunzel - oh, and don't forget to buy a Bermin to go with it...'

Even more annoyingly, the lamp we bought just a few months ago has been reduced - almost half price. Humph.

My world - by Jack

2006-01-04T11:08:00.000Z

Festive Jack
Originally uploaded by swingnut.

Humans seem to go mad at the end of each year. For weeks, they disappear on a Saturday afternoon and come back carrying loads of bags. They seem excited by what's in them, but I've had a good sniff and couldn't smell any squirrels, cheese or bacon strips in them. Then they put up some kind of weird thing that looks like a tree but doesn't smell like one, and doesn't have any birds or squirrels living in it (I checked). And then they hang things on it. Well, pardon me, but that tree thing is right next to my bed, and that ball shaped thing that you've put on there bashes me on the nose whenever I lie down. Ever tried to sleep with a sparkly ball in your face? No, didn't think so.

So then the humans start coming in with all sorts of nice food. Cheese, crackers. cheese, crisps, cheese, pate, cheese, turkey, and did I mention the cheese? But for some reason all the food must be put away. I don't get it - why would anyone not want to eat all the cheese as soon as they have it? I even heard the male human say 'Keep that' - for what? I'm here, if you don't want it give it to me!! I love cheese, smelly cheese, soft cheese, hard cheese, ripe cheese, mouldy cheese....

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Suddenly my play area is taken over by loads of paper and stringy stuff. I'm quietly trying to bounce a ball along the floor and I get told off for 'standing on the paper'. Well don't put it where I need to play then! And when I try to help by picking up one of those funny shapes made out of string I get told off. Charming! I got revenge though - I made sure I scratched so I shed loads of hair that would get stuck in that sticky string stuff that they use on the paper. Ruff!

They keep talking about someone called 'Santa'. 'Santa's coming', 'Has Santa been, Jack?' - how should I know, I don't know who you're talking about. All I know is that there was no barking required last night . Annoyingly, this Santa geezer disturbs my lie in as his supposed visit means that you have to get up early. I don't reckon he comes, I had a good sniff and I couldn't smell any strangers. Although I thought I caught a whiff of something that smelled a bit like horses.

So, after days of taking over the floor to put paper round things, all the paper gets taken off. The humans think this is all terribly exciting. I just lay on the sofa and had a snooze - at least until they waved something in my face covered in that paper. Well, I had to humour them so when they ripped the paper a bit I stuck my nose in to have a look. For some reason they'd put paper round that tuggy rope they brought home a few days ago. They seemed to think it was an exciting thing to do so I took advantage and got a few games out of them, before I made them give me breakfast. Suckers.

Then we all had to go and meet the rest of the family, where there was lots more things wrapped in paper. There was a very nice smell of roasted birds though, and when no one was looking I had a quick lick of one that they left on the table - yummy! Unfortunately they stuck something round my collar - it was terribly itchy, and I kept trying to get rid of it but someone would wrap it round again. It was so uncool. Thankfully none of the other dogs on the street saw me (except Cysgu but she had some too so that was OK). Don't they realise that I'm practically related to Lassie? I'm practically royalty in the dog world. Rawf!

The one good thing was that I had some bird, and some sprouts (although the girl human complained for days afterwards - I was only trying to share the lovely sprouty smell with her), and I managed to sneak a sausage roll when no one was looking. Eventually, after what seemed like days, I got taken home again so I could resume guard on the cheese and biscuits. Thankfully those pesky mice had taken their marching orders and disappeared.

I'll never understand humans and their bizarre ways. At least all that malarkey seems to be finished for another year, and I can settle down to dreaming of cheesy squirrels in peace.

Happy New Year!!!

2006-01-01T23:59:00.000Z

January 1st, 2006.
Another year has flown by. It's very scary how quickly life is accelerating by now. When I stop and step back to take a look at my life I'm amazed at how much has happened, and how incredible it all seems from a different perspective.

2005 had many highlights, and many lowlights for us. We're glad to see the back of the latter half of the year in many ways, but like the Murphy's: we're not bitter ;). Life wouldn't be worth living if it were not for the challenges and interesting asides. The lows only exist to accentuate the highs, and give us something to learn by and from.

2006 will be very interesting, I'm sure. This year will be a year of significant change, and hopefully much happiness too.

Have a happy new year everyone! :D

Babies are bizarre

2005-09-03T22:42:00.000Z

Just got back from visiting a week old baby. It reminded me just how bizarre the whole concept of having a baby is. The mother grows another human being inside her for 9 months, not knowing what it will lokk like or. often, even what sex it is. Then she goes through 48 hours (or so) of pain, almost literally having her insides torn apart, and then as soon as she looks at the face of this stranger (who more often than not, looks like a monkey!) she falls in love with it. As does the father.

It's an amazing thing, but something that those who haven't experienced it could never comprehend.

As lovely as babies are, I think I'll leave that experience to others. It's always nice to give them back when they start crying/being sick/need a nappy change - and only a parent could enjoy even that aspect of having kids.

Nevertheless, I was very pleased to meet this particular baby, and wish him all the best on his adventures in this world.

Horrendous hurricane

2005-09-02T12:15:00.000Z

I have to admit that I am struggling to comprehend what's happening in New Orleans right now. For a so called 'superpower' country, what's happening seems surprisingly sub-third-world and decidedly scary.

I really feel for those people who have been caught up in this, and who have lost loved ones and all that they have worked towards. I can't even begin to understand what they must be going through as they fight for food, water and healthy living conditions.

But the news reports from NO and other areas make the whole thing sound positively apocalyptic. Rapes, people shooting at rescue helicopters, armed guards whose guns are on 'lock and load' - it's hard to reconcile this image with civilised America. Watching news footage of 1000s of people standing shoulder to shoulder chanting 'help, help', seeing new born babies crying through hunger and stress - it's like watching those shocking scenes of Ethiopia all over again. But this is the US, the world's only true superpower, the richest continent in the world, the self-proclaimed leader/saviour of the world.

There are many news reports of looting - and much condemnation of the looters. But who can blame them - they are fighting to survive and have nothing. Stealing bread and other staple dietary items can hardly be called looting - it's survival, and what's to say that the shopkeeper has survived anyway? The people looting TVs etc on the other hand are clearly desperate - with no power, or even a home, it is clear that they have either a bizarre opportunistic streak, or a useless survival gene. Either way, I think that there should be other, more important things on people's minds - like survival.

I feel all sorts of emotions when I think of what's happening right now in NO. Sadness, empathy, pity, sympathy, sorrow - yes. But also shame, shock and horror that this is happening in the most developed country in the world - and fear. Fear that it could happen to us, here in Britain, and our Government would fail us too.

My thoughts are with those who are struggling to survive in the world's richest countries.

Much to mourn

2005-09-01T13:14:00.000Z

Many prayers have been spoken, many tears have been shed, many lives have been destroyed. And still it will go on. As will our faith, determination and hope.

Iraq: A panic-fuelled stampede (apparently triggered by rumours of an imminent suicide attack) sees 960 people dead in a Shia religious procession in the capital, Baghdad.

US: Hurricane Katrina causes chaos across Louisiana, Mississippi, New Orleans. 110 confirmed dead(?), hundreds or thousands probably dead.

Thailand: More bombings, this time in the resort town of Sungai Kolok, on the Malaysian border, thought to be fuelled by disenchantment within the strong Islamic community.

Paris: 17 African immigrants died in an apartment block fire, in the south-east of the city.

My first ever coffee

2005-08-28T12:15:00.000Z

All my life I've never really liked the taste of coffee. Ironic then that I should work for seven teenage years of my life at my parents coffee-shop, making thousands upon thousands of coffees, cappiccinos, and the like.
Don't get me wrong - I have tried to sample coffee a few times but each time it almost made me vomit.

Well, since StarBucks came to town we have been hooked on Frapuccinos and skinny cakes.... and therein began my introduction to the very addictive drug they call coffee.
Today I felt like I needed a 'StarBucks shot' but I was kinda busy doing household chores, so I decided to give the powdered coffee a go. I popped a mug full of milk in the microwave for a couple of minutes, then stirred in a spoonfull of coffee: NYOM, NYOM!! :D

Look out world! - I've got a lot of lost coffee-drinking time to make up for! ;)

Commuting by bicycle

2005-08-26T09:59:00.000Z

7 punctures so far. I've tried 2 different sets of wheels, kevlar laced tyres, and slime-based inner tubes (among other things).
Gotta say - that bike has come VERY close to being angrily launched into the river on more than one occasion!

The cause of the puncture is a combination of glass-littered cycle tracks, pavements (side-walks) and roads (pavements), and a mis-match of tyres and wheels.
I've got the correct tyres and wheels now though, and I'm using a puncture-resistant strip between tube and tyre now. So we'll see how that holds up...

By now I could probably map my route to work based entirely on glass shards, pot-holes and drain-covers.
The cycle-tracks around here are in poor condition generally, and very disjointed and unkempt. But then I'm not surprised because the same could be said about the local council (except the 'unkempt' bit!).

Looking on the brightside though: if there was ever a contest for the fastest bicycle inner tube change - I'd be a strong contender to win! :D

An Ode to Poor Poetry

2005-07-31T16:45:00.000Z

Words like whispers that slowly strangle
Limp tautology in a 90 degree angle.
Sunken images on a rocky shore
Give your poetry to me no more.

Hurling a punch like a lover's kiss
Making me laugh until I piss.
Don't tell Rover what's going down.
Your words will wipe away my frown.

A dedication: London Attacks

2005-07-13T11:56:00.000Z

Rhossili sunset
Originally uploaded by swingnut.

On July 7th the world was turned upside down for many people.

Extremists and criminals killed at least 52 and maimed hundreds when they bombed the London Tube and Bus systems.

Despite the deaths, injuries, trauma, and massive disruption caused by the attacks, the incredible Londoners are carrying on. They refuse to be beaten.

I've read the accounts of survivors, and I've felt a small amount of what they must be going through.
The human spirit is awesome, and their determination is inspiring.

As a sign of respect to the survivors, and for those who died, I would like to dedicate this photo.

May the bright, setting sun remind us that each day has an end, each arching sun must follow it's path, and each day it must be reborn to our sky.

May the gentle, lapping waves remind us that every small step is part of a larger journey, every drop of water forms a great ocean, and every advancing wave washes life into the world.

May we never be alone, and always be loved.

Feelin' Hot!

2005-07-10T23:49:00.000Z

It's ten minutes to midnight and the air is warm and still. I suspect there won't be much sleeping going on tonight, even with the help of the fan. While this temperature suits my mediterranean ancestry very well, even I'm wilting a little under the heat and humidity.

The UK isn't generally blessed with good summers and hot weather, and everyone seems to go a little crazy in the heat. People are BBQ'ing, mowing lawns, drinking beer in beer gardens, everyone heads for the beach (happily sitting in traffic for hours to get there and back), and everywhere you look you see milk bottle white skin being turned lobster red. Every pond, lake, river or large puddle is filled with kids and yoofs dive bombing each other and ice cream sales sky rocket.

We're not a nation used to good weather and it shows. The old saying about mad dogs and Englishmen and the midday sun is true. While our European cousins are happily siesta-ing the afternoons away and waking up as the sun goes down, we're blistering and sweating in the noon day sun and collapsing with heat stroke and severe sunburn in the evenings. Unfortunately we don't have the luxury of getting used to the heat or taking our time slowly and safely developing a tan - the great British climate means we can never count on having more than one good day in a row and we have to make the most of it while we can.

So even though the air feels like a warm bath, I'm 'glowing' and the dog is collapsed at my feet in a great panting furry ball of heat, you won't hear me complaining - I'm enjoying the warmth and summer air and storing up levels of sunlight for those long winter nights that are just around the corner.

Amateur Film Critics

2005-06-27T21:10:00.000Z

I'm getting increasingly hacked off with amateur film critics. Suddenly, everyone thinks that they're the next Barry Norman. It's like an epidemic lately. Almost every internet forum, discussion group or blog has its own critic(s), magazines and papers have people writing in with their views on the film, and even colleagues and friends are getting in on the act.

There are several aspects of this that annoy me:
1. You daren't mention that you're going to see a film before someone launches in to a critique. Before you know it you've been walked through every scene, listing the good and bad points.
2. If you've been to see a film, and happen to mention it, the same thing happens except that you're expected to join in.
3. If you like the film and the critic doesn't, it doesn't matter - they'll still rip it apart, and won't listen to your views.
4. Everything they say, they say with a level of arrogance that implies a) they're right, and b) you're interested in what they're saying
5. They're usually talking shit.

What annoys me most though is that these people seem to be under the misguided opinion that you are *actually interested* in what they have to say about the film. These people can't seem to comprehend that some people go see a film, and as long as it holds their attention for the full 90 minutes and is reasonably entertaining, then they're happy. People like me don't particularly care about the minutae of directorship - as long as the actors are good, the script entertaining and believable and the direction doesn't spoil the unfolding of the story, then we're happy. Frankly, I don't give a damn whether the director should have chosen a 90 degree head shot in scene 34, as long as scene 34 entertains me.

These amateur critics are so keen to pick holes in the film, they can't allow themselves to get into the story. They've forgotten that the point of a film is to suspend reality for those 90 or 120 minutes, entertain the viewer and tell a story. Admittedly we pay good money to see these films and deserve them to be of good quality, but at the end of the day we're paying for some escapism. The last thing I need is some dweeb telling me what *they* thought of the film.

I blame Barry.

Stray dog

2005-06-19T23:25:00.000Z

Today we did a Good Thing.

It's been extremely hot here this weekend and today was incredibly humid. We were walking back from Starbucks (ahem!) to the car when we spotted a stray dog huddled in the corner of a car park. A medium sized black dog, with the cutest/funniest sticky-up ears, a total mongrel but a real cutie anyway.

We almost walked on by, but the dog seemed very still and it was so very hot that we were concerned. We approached the dog and he seemed very cowed, fearful, but not aggressive. As we got nearer he tried to push himself further back into the corner made by two walls. We could see that he was very thin and his fur looked matted and unkempt - he had a big blob of chewing gum stuck to his leg too.

He was wearing a collar but seemed to be stray. We bought a bottle of water from a local shop and tried to get near the dog to give him some. The dog got more and more nervous as we approached, and tried to melt in to his corner. There appeared to be something wrong with his hind legs, they couldn't seem to support his weight.

The poor thing was so docile, and let us come right up to him. We offered our hands to sniff, he seemed to accept us and so we poured water out the bottle for him to drink. He lapped it up - he was obviously dehydrated. That would explain the lethargy.

I then spent over half an hour on the phone trying to get someone to come get this poor dog. After eventually finding the number of the RSPCA, I spent 20 minutes on the phone to them only to be told that they wouldn't come out and we would have to take the dog to the police station ourselves. Which just seemed ridiculous to me - the dog could easily have been aggressive, yet they were telling me to pick it up and stick it in the car!

Luckily this pooch was friendly so off we went to get the car and then drove back to pick him up. As we neared the car park, he was limping away from where we found him. He saw us coming and ran towards us, seeming pleased to see us, but then appeared frightened again and headed back to his corner. We won his affection with some treats, and managed to get him in the car. We could see that his front paw also appeared to be injured :(

So we left him in the most horrendous kennel at the police station, but I was assured he wouldn't be held there long. Who knows what will happen to him now though. I can ring the local council in a few days to find out whether he has been claimed or not, but I can't stop thinking and worrying about him. I look at my dog (a rescue dog too) snoring on the sofa next to me and hope that our little stray will soon be as happy as him.

It's got me thinking about other things too. Like how I'd be much happier in a job that involves taking care of animals (although it would break my heart at times too). (If only I could make the same money as I do now). Seeing that poor little guy so obviously in need of some help, and given him that help, made me feel so good, yet so sad that I could only help one animal out of the thousands out there who need it.

This little dog will be in my thoughts and dreams for a while. I hope he strikes lucky and gets a happy caring home. Sleep well, little fellow.

Starbucks

2005-06-19T21:50:00.000Z

Usually I'm not a fan of large multi-national companies, particularly the sort that have franchises in every town all over the world. I refuse to frequent McDonalds, Burger King, KFC etc on principle, partly because they their products are shit, partly because they hard sell said shit products, and partly because I don't agree with their general business practices.

So when Starbucks opened in my home town, it barely registered on my radar. Especially as I can't stand coffee.

However, a friend of ours dragged us in to a Starbucks so he could have his latte fix. Presented with the coffee-dominated menu, the only thing I could think of to order was a chocolate cream frappucino. I fully expected to hate it. I certainly never expected to fall in love with it's delicious chocolately creaminess.

So - a few weeks later, and I've had 3 fraps in 3 days. eek. Exactly how many calories are in them? I dread to think.

What are they putting in these things that make them so addictive? Is there some secret ingredient that they add to make you want more? I can't believe that a drink has had such an effect on my tastebuds - and my morals.

I won't mention the Subways ;)

Angelina Jolie

2005-06-13T18:14:00.000Z

This blog has been relatively free of Angelina Jolie references (unlike my life!) but I feel the need for a post in her honour.

Not only has she turned 30 whilst still looking hotter than ever, but she's also hotter than ever ;)

In her latest film, Mr and Mrs Smith, she wears a rather sexy PVC outfit that can only really be described as Dominatrix wear. [drool] She can tie me up and spank me any day!

You know when computers have taken over your life...

2005-06-12T12:48:00.000Z

...when you start dreaming in terms of them.

The first indication came early one morning, as the alarm went off. I'm not a morning person by any means, and getting up is always a struggle. The morning in question was a particularly early start after a particularly late night, with nothing more exciting than a day in the office to look forward to. In my struggle to open my eyes and get out of bed, a part of my mind told me to 'force quit the application sleep'.

I forgave myself this incident and put it down to sleep deprivation.

Last night however my sleeping mind again showed me that perhaps I spend a little too much time hooked up to my Powerbook. I was having one of my anxiety dreams (this one was about our forthcoming trip to Australia, and the particular anxiety was that we were at check-in and realised that we hadn't sorted out our visas). I'm training my sleeping self to recognise an anxiety dream and flag it as such to help combat the problem - but I wasn't expecting the way my mind chose to acknowledge the anxiety. As if I was watching the scene unfold on a computer screen, this dialogue box appeared.

I chose quit.

Dream dialogue box
Originally uploaded by Naked Writer.

Man made

2005-06-03T10:20:00.000Z

Man made
Originally uploaded by swingnut.

Slate, wood, stone, iron, all beautifully crafted to serve a purpose. Beautiful isn't the first word that comes to mind when you see this photo, but after a while I realised it is beautiful in it's own way.

Naked Flames

2005-05-29T23:10:00.000Z

On any given night, you will find one half of the Naked household wandering around the living room with a chef's lighter in one hand and a bag of 100 tealights in the other, sprinkling lit candles around the room like a Flame Fairy. On a good night, there can be anything up to 40 tealights dotted around the house. They light the way up the stairs, nestling on each tread. The path to and around the bathroom is marked by little flames. They shine like mini beacons in every corner of the living room and all points in between.

Candlelight is more than just ambient lighting. It soothes aching heads and tired eyes, particularly those caused by a day spent under the harsh artificial lights of modern day offices. It's incredibly flattering - the lighting equivalent of airbrushing as all wrinkles, lines and blemishes are hidden. There's something about watching the flame of a candle gently flickering - there's so many shapes and colours to be seen in even the smallest flames. It's little wonder that the meditation aid of choice for so many is a single candle flame.

It's more than just a design statement.

Cubed and Squared

2005-05-23T21:25:00.000Z

The Apple G4 Cube
Originally uploaded by rdas7.

I like beautiful things. [My wife for one! ;) ]
I discovered the latest object of my affection whilst I was looking for a second-hand powerbook for my father.
I scoured eBay for weeks when one day I happened upon a PowerMac G4 Cube. At first I thought it looked just like an Apple shredder, but the more I looked - the more I liked. I quickly became obsessed. So I bought it.... then I bought another! (just because it was 50mhz faster and was Airport-ready!). So now I am the proud owner of two little bits of Apple cult at it's best. :D

The Cube is an awesome 8x8x8 inch, air-cooled, beautifully sculped and highly desirable work of art. It's a shame for Apple that they somehow got the formula wrong when they brought it out, and that it was only in production for one year. But on the other hand, it's exactly that error which has made the Cube the cult item it is today.
Who'd have thought that 5 years later Apple would have such great success with a Cube in disguise? - the Mac Mini.

If it wasn't for that pesky dog....

2005-05-12T23:15:00.000Z

Scooby Doo and his Mystery Machine dwelling human companions are great. Scoobs is the ultimate floppy over-sized dog and has been single-handedly responsible for the popularity of 'Ri ron' row' ('I don't know' said Scooby-style) into every day language. The scene where Scoobs and the gang are stranded on a desert island and he writes 'RELP' in to the sand has me wetting myself with laughter every time I think of it. So many fantastic jokes, which more than made up for the repetitive storyline ('It was Mr Jones, the caretaker, all this time!' - 'And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids').

But WTF did they think they were doing when the brought Scrappy Doo in to the team? Talk about ruining the team dynamic.

All of a sudden, this small, annoying mutt was foisted on to the team, without any explanation or warning. Who couldn't help but squirm at his yelps of 'pu-pu-puppy power'? That stupid 'boxer' stance and the 'let me at 'em' war cry - makes me cringe even now.

At least the writers had the decency to keep Scoobs as the star of the show, and it soon became apparent that Scrappy was merely a straight man for Scoobs' superior humour and entertainment value. But even though Scoobs was still number one, his on-screen presence was dimmed by that ratty little fuck constantly hanging around, poking his nose in where it wasn't wanted and generally getting under everyone's feet. If Scrappy was a real dog, he'd be a yappy chihuahua that never shuts up and shits everywhere before humping your leg and biting your best shoes.

And how many cases did he solve? None. No wonder Fred and Daphne always slinked off together - it wasn't just for a quick grope behind the ferris wheel, it's because they needed to get away from Yappy.

Thankfully, the producers saw sense and scrapped Scrappy, leaving Scoobs to reign supreme and unmask that wily caretaker in increasingly bizarre accidental ways.

Long live Scoobs!

Words of wisdom

2005-05-11T20:17:00.000Z

Never frown, even when you're unhappy. You never know who's falling in love with your smile.

Looking up

2005-05-08T19:02:00.000Z

Dragons & Cherubs
Originally uploaded by swingnut.

How many times do you look up? I know it makes sense sometimes to watch your feet as you walk, to avoid dog mess and chewing gum and just in case you see a Â£20 note fluttering along the pavement, but how often do you look above eye level?

There are so many wonderful things to be seen if you only look up. When you're next in town, look above the gaudy shop fronts with their neon signs urging you to spend your cash and look at the buildings they occupy. The picture shown here is the roof of a building that has been a shop for some years - but most people probably have never seen these details.

Last night we spent a long time craning our necks back and looking at the hundreds of stars that peppered the night sky. It was a cloudless, moonless nights and the perfect conditions for spotting shooting stars and satellites.

Today, I was looking at the sky again - this time framed by the tops of the trees in the park. The leaves are that fantastically fresh springtime green which provides a perfect contrast to the blue skies and white clouds.

If I hadn't looked up while running down the wooded track that runs near our house, I wouldn't have seen the white and black cat perched in a tree (I don't know if it was stuck or not but it seemed happy either way). If I hadn't been looking at the sky today I wouldn't have seen the perfect symmetry of two planes flying away from each other - like a mirror image. Think how many rainbows you'd miss if you never looked up!

Don't restrict yourself to only seeing a percentage of the world - raise your eyes occasionally and see what the other half of the world looks like. You might just be pleasantly surprised!

From behind and to the side

2005-05-05T17:21:00.000Z

backseat blur
Originally uploaded by swingnut.

We're all control freaks who trust no one.
When I was a kid I used to LOVE being in my Dad's car and watching the world go by. I used to look at the scenery and wonder, as only a child can.
When you sitting on the back-seat of your Dad's car you get to see so much detail of everything you pass, and the world is so fascinating.

Fast forward twenty years and I'm in the driving seat now, and all that matters is 'A' and 'B' and the car in-front. All I see is speed, distance, lights and signals. I'm a driver with a mission and the scenery only exists in my peripheral vision.
But not today. For today I was a passenger for a change, so I decided to relax on the back-seat and watch the world from the side :D WOW! - what a difference perspective can make, eh?
I saw gardens, dogs, cats, kids playing, snapshots of human interaction: people's lives, and our world.

You should try changing your perspective once in a while. I can wholeheartedly recommend it.

Summer's here!

2005-05-04T20:12:00.000Z

At last, summer is here.

I know, because some bastard insect (no doubt of the flying variety, and definitely one with big teeth) has chosen my right leg as its own personal buffet bar.

So I have about 10 (count them!) itchy, red, angry lumps (going grr!) spread from my hip to my knee. And they wake me up at night with their damn itchiness.

British summers aren't even good enough to justify having the stupid amount of little bitey insects that we get. And why do they always choose me?

Sigh.

Only when I laugh

2005-05-04T20:02:00.000Z

In an attempt to get fit and lose my love handles, I've started a new fitness regime. My diet is fine really, I always get at least 5 portions of fruit and veg a day, don't eat tins or jars of stuff (unless desperate) so consume little processed food (even make my own bread!) and drink shed loads of water. In fact, if it wasn't for the alcohol and the odd bit of junk I'd be lean and lithe! (OK maybe not). But as I like to have a drink (and the occasional bag of crisps) I've decided that exercise is required.

And it's bloody hard! I thought I was fairly fit, as I do a lot of walking with the dog and a bit of cycling. I decided to start running - 'how hard can it be? Just like walking only faster!' Actually, running is far too grand a word for what I manage. Jogging is stretching it a bit. Shuffling at a slightly faster pace than walking about covers it. The first few times I tried it, I couldn't do more than about 2 minutes without feeling like a) I was about to have a heart attack; b) my legs had turned to jelly and c) I was about to collapse. And being sweaty, red in the face and looking like you might collapse any second is Not A Good Look.

However, i've struggled on with it and today managed 30 minutes, without a stop. Which according to my pedometer was 2.5 miles, which means I was jogging at a snail's pace, but hey, at least I managed it! Yey for me.

Unfortunately, I also decided to do some sit-ups last night, and now can't bend at the waist (or straighten if already bent) without clutching my stomach and moaning. Which is also Not A Good Look, especially when in meetings in work. And it hurts to laugh. Or eat. Or anything that involves any movement between my shoulders and my hips, really. But you know what they say - no pain no gain!!

Good places

2005-05-01T18:01:00.000Z

Castle
Originally uploaded by swingnut.

Everyone needs some Good Places in their lives, places where they can go to and feel at peace, at home and content.

One of my Good Places is this castle, which overlooks the bay near here. I can't say what it is about this castle that makes it a Good Place - there are plenty of happy memories associated with it, but that's not the whole reason. It's got a certain vibe or feeling (which considering it's age is not surprising) which just seems so positive and uplifting. It's like all the positive energy of the place is flowing around it and just being there makes me feel content and at one with the world.

Yesterday I had a day when the world seemed to have rough edges and I felt prickly - things were going wrong, I was getting annoyed; I just didn't feel 'right'. Today, after visiting 'my' castle, breathing in the fresh sea air coming in from the bay as I stood on top of the hill looking at the yachts and boats on the sea, I felt smooth and rounded and calm again.

Interestingly, this castle hosts outdoor theatre productions of Shakespeare in the summer, where you take a picnic and a deckchair and enjoy the play unfolding in front of you. It's such a magical castle that it really lends something to each play - much better than seeing it in a theatre. The last play we saw there was Macbeth, and the August skies got into character and were dark and brooding. The castle backdrop suited the play so well, it made all the difference. This year it's my favourite Shakespeare play - A Midsummer Night's Dream - and I'm looking forward to it already!

It started with a kiss

2005-04-30T17:15:00.000Z

Funny how things turn out.

Tube Tales

2005-04-26T21:15:00.000Z

Today I spent a 'lovely' day travelling to London for an Information Security trade show (yawnsville). The journey required one return train journey and two return tube train trips.

Now I have nothing against public transport as a general rule, but I hate trains with a passion. They're expensive, slow, crowded, smelly/dirty and are invariably late and/or you get stuck on the tracks somewhere (and usually therefore miss your onward connection and have to wait round in a train station in the middle of nowhere in the cold and dark for another 45 minutes). The only good thing I can say about trains is that you can sleep on the way.

Why is it I always end up having some weirdo or annoying person sitting next to me on the train? Today, in no particaular order, I suffered:
- a loud American woman, her mother and her daughter. The little girl was approximately 2, and was wearing shoes that squeaked every time she walked (and she did a lot of running up and down) - which I'm sure were cute in the shop but became extremely irritating after 10 seconds - and for some reason was given a plastic spoon to chew on my her mother (WTF?!) Said little girl was also accused of 'flirting' with my (male, 40s) colleague by her mother (she was sticking her tongue out).
- a guy in an extremely smelly leather jacket who ate smoky bacon crisps loudly and continuously, while practically leaning on my arm.
- a woman who spent the entire journey from London to Reading talking into her mobile phone about a bloke who hadn't paid his invoice, to her secretary who she alternatively swore at and called 'darling'.

Not to mention the bloke in the seat behind who snored extremely loudly the entire journey home (thank iPod for my shuffle!), or the scary woman on the tube who stared at me the entire journey whilst picking her nose and eating it.

You see so many cool films about train and tube travel, where people strike up meaningful conversations with those around them. They've obviously never travelled on the trains I'm subjected to.

Mac overload

2005-04-21T23:03:00.000Z

My first Mac was a second-hand Titanium powerbook that I bought from my best friend (he was dying for me to Switch so much that he sold me his powerbook).
It wasn't instant love, it took a teeny bit of time for me to adjust from the PC mindset, but within a very short space of time I became a Mac user. Now I can't understand why I ever hesitated to make the leap, and what I ever saw in PC's.

I use my powerbook everyday, and it's seen a lot of miles even before I owned it, so it started to get a little worn and frayed round the edges. It's time to get another Mac I thought. So I waited a while, looked around, and one day a chance mention of a Mac to my wife's colleague led us to discover that he was getting rid of a Quicksilver.
So then we had a powerbook for mobile use, and a Quicksilver for meatier desktop use. But I kept looking at the powerbook and thinking that it needed a bit of a makeover.
So I peeped a look at ebay every now and then in the hope that I'd see a cheap powerbook case that I could use to fix up mine. I couldn't find one for ages, but then one day I saw a great bargain spares/repair powerbook, and before I could say "I'm an ebay junkie" I had bought myself another powerbook.
Now, the idea was to fix up my original powerbook from the parts from this new one. But when I got the new powerbook in my hands it really didn't seem that broken at all. I upgraded the RAM and hard-drive, and gave it a little TLC, and now it has become Powerbook #2.

That is how we came to own two powerbooks and a quicksilver, and only two pairs of hands between us to operate them.
Addicted to Macs? - yes. Would I buy another - definitely.

A pint? That's very nearly an armful!!

2005-04-18T13:40:00.000Z

Today I did my bit and gave blood. It was also my tenth donation so lots of people made a fuss of me, congratulated me and I received a little stick pin to commemorate my efforts, which was quite sweet. I have to say it doesn't get any easier the more you give, in fact knowing what comes next makes me more nervous, not being a fan of huge sharp needles and bleeding slowly from a vein. But I just think of the poor people who could possibly die without my armful and that usually keeps me going.

If you've never given blood before, you won't know about the thousands of questions they ask you. You have to fill out a form, then go to see lots of different people who go through the form again, ask you to confirm your name, address, date of birth etc again - you get sick of repeating yourself. I felt like saying 'why would I want to impersonate someone else just to give blood?!'

The form and questions got me thinking though. They ask you countless times if you've taken any meds in the last week (including aspirin), what countries you've been to, whether you've had operations etc etc. But they never ask how many alcohol units you've drunk in the last few days, or even if you've taken any drugs. So theoretically you could be up to all sorts of shenanigans on the weekend, taking endless drugs, and still give blood on the Monday (although hopefully you wouldn't!). And whoever ends up with your blood might wake up with one hell of a hangover/come down!

Perhaps I should write the blood transfusion service and point it out to them?

Dream lovers and other stories

2005-04-17T07:30:00.000Z

I can't decide whether my dreams are an affliction or a blessing, but I do know that my dreams are always strange. Sometimes I dream things that are truly horrible, and when I wake up I'm scared at what my mind has comjured up. Other dreams I have are downright weird, and I wake up wondering where the hell *that* came from. And, if my mind can't come up with anything new, I have a nice little stock of recurring anxiety dreams that are guaranteed to make me wake up in a sweat. I do sometimes have nice, gentle, normal dreams but they tend to be the exception to the rule.

Because my dreams are so vivid and unusual, I've looked in to dream interpretation and have come to be quite adept at interpreting dreams, but it's always more difficult to analyze your own.

Last night's dreams were certainly bizarre. I suspect that the tequila and other stuff that I consumed last night may have had some effect on my mind which would explain some of it though! The funniest dream was the one in which a friend of mine (who's a bit of an old tart anyway ;) ) was a gigolo to an aging American woman who was also a complete diva. Wonder what that says about said friend?

The worst dreams are often the ones where you dream someone has done something to hurt you and you wake up so pissed off with them - and they are of course innocent but end up having to apologise for what their evil dream persona has done. This was the case this morning when I learned that I had apparently had an affair with a 6ft 3, well blessed star of a certain genre of films. Now why can't I have had that dream?!

It's totally rad, dude!

2005-04-15T09:01:00.000Z

rad
Originally uploaded by Naked Writer.

I like this photo.
Something very Art Deco about it.

Scissor Sisters and other euphemisms

2005-04-14T11:04:00.000Z

So, we've got the Scissor Sisters album on our iPod and listen to it frequently. It's one of those albums that just seems to get better the more you play it. On a Saturday night, after one too many tequilas, you'll find us howling along to our favourite tracks and bopping around the living room. It makes the world of fag hags, drag queens and pros seem almost aspirational.

We've tried to analyze the tracks (and failed on a lot), which got me wondering about the name. A quick search on Google told me that 'Scissors Sisters' is actually a euphemism for ladies who like ladies. Well, I felt quite violated (but in a nice way!) - but it didn't surprise me. In fact, I guess I would have been disappointed if it had been totally innocent.

I love euphemisms. They lend so much to the English language, and because Brits can be fairly uptight about things it's great to 'slip in' a few euphemisms in your convo and see if anyone gets it. Same with double entendres. In fact, most of my conversations with friends are full of thinly veiled innuendos, and even the mere addition of the word 'baby' at the end of a statement can make it all sound so much... well, dirtier.

Thursday's socks II: this time it's personal!

2005-04-13T15:00:00.000Z

FPN evidence
Originally uploaded by Naked Writer.

Here's some evidence of the FPN. It's our study ceiling with added artistic paint splatter.

And this is Maurice's version of that dreaded night:

Today, I've come to the conclusion that, this month at least, I am cursed. Went round to Naked House tonight. Jack, their rather large dog, likes to me to play tuggy rope with him, which as one might guess involves him grabbing hold of one end of a short rope and me the other. Whoever manages to wrench the rope from the other wins the round. We've played this hundreds of times but tonight it all went horribly wrong.

As Jack wrenched the rope from my bleeding fingers (not really) I lurched backwards and wobbled their CD rack. This is an eight-foot high column is supposed to be fixed to the wall, but due to their recent redecorating was not. It wobbled, and fell over, but what nobody expected was what happened next. There was no crash, but just the weirdest sound.

Fuffloomp-splat!

The ground floor of their house is more or less one long room split into sections. This section was in the dark, we turned on the light. It was an horrific sight.

Strategically placed at the exact spot where the top-end of this extremely heavy CD shelf would have hit the floor was a full, unused tub of brown fence paint. It exploded about six foot in every direction, splattering walls, bookshelves, dining table, pictures, books, mirrors, the hugely expensive wooden floor and freshly painted ceiling, not to mention coating quite a few CDs in thick brown gunk. You couldn't have planned this and it can never be repeated.

It was an accident but I, of course, couldn't apologise enough.

And so the rest of the evening was spent using every available cloth and fingernail cleaning, scraping and rescuing as much as possible. Some things have had to be thrown, thankfully the most important and expensive stuff: floor, walls and table were completely saved.

I'll never live this down!

Thursday's socks

2005-04-13T13:47:00.000Z

We like Thursdays in Naked World. Mainly because they're as close to Friday as you can get without it actually being Friday, but also you've done 80% of the working week and Friday is POETS day (Piss Off Early Tomorrow's Saturday) and no one ever does any decent work on a Friday anyway (never buy a car assembled on a Friday!). So Thursdays generally have an air of optimism about them, a kind of self-congratulation that you've made it this far through the week without having a breakdown or maiming a colleague.

However, these last few months, Thursdays have had a slight tinge of sadness about them - not enough to subdue the good feelings but just the faintest whiff of loss. Ever since Fence Paint Night (FPN).

It's a long story, and too traumatic to go in to in any depth, but what basically happened on FPN is this:
In Naked House live a boy, a girl and a very large dog. Naked House has the usual kind of filling - furniture, crockery, etc and also some of the more unusual stuff like bikes, VW parts and random bits of wood stacked in corners. On FPN, one of the more unusual residents of Naked House was a 5 litre plastic tub of brown fence paint.

On that fateful night, a dear friend of Naked Lives came to visit, and have some dinner. This dear friend (lets call him 'Maurice', names have been changed to protect the innocent) decided to have a game of 'tuggy rope' with the very large dog. Unfortunately this game took place in the vicinity of a rather tall (7') CD rack.

I'll spare you the details as I don't want you having nightmares, but we still don't know to this day whether the CD tower jumped or was pushed, but its fall was broken by the fence paint, which promptly exploded all over the room.

In a valiant attempt to save the floor, walls and ceiling (not to mention table and chairs, pictures, CDs, books and other general paraphenalia), Thursday's socks, along with their brave colleagues, the tea towels, gave their lives. Without this sacrifice many things would not have survived FPN.

And that is why Thursdays in Naked World are always a little sad, and 'fence paint' or 'kersploosh' are Banned Words.

Thursday's socks - RIP.

Food glorious food

2005-04-13T12:02:00.000Z

I'm definitely a foodie. I like nothing better than a good meal (preferably accompanied by a glass of wine). It doesn't have to be haute cuisine but it has to be tasty. Yum.

My body is a temple (that admittedly has alcohol as one of its Gods but we won't go there just now) and therefore I like my food to be good, fresh and healthy. You can keep your processed foods - I want fresh food made with good ingredients. I don't want sauces with hidden fats and salt and other kinds of crap, or 'meat' that is mainly rusks, lips and eyelashes.

There is something quite soothing about making your own food 'from scratch' so to speak. Especially when you know that the people who are going to eat it (other than yourself) are appreciative of the time and effort you've put in to chopping the veggies and seasoning it just so. There's nothing more annoying than spending hours lovingly preparing a perfectly seasoned masterpiece and then the people you serve it up to put salt and pepper on without even tasting it. "Grrrr" doesn't even come close.

The only thing better than making your own food is going out for an exquisite meal, and that's just what we did last night. Finding a good restaurant can be difficult - there are so many places now that basically serve fast food on a decent plate and pass it off as cuisine. Considering we live right by the sea there's a dearth of places selling decent seafood too. But we've found the perfect place.

Good atmosphere, nice decor and little touches (like houmous and croutons on each table to nibble on as your peruse the menu) help. But the service, food and wine must be spot on to win a place in my heart. And this place does the trick. A good choice of seafood, meats, local produce and interesting combinations all cooked to perfection and served with style. Three courses slip down so easily without leaving you with that bloated 'pie and chips' feeling. A chocolate and chilli pudding served with pistachio nut ice cream finishes off the mouth orgasm. Patricks, we salute you.

Now, what's for dinner?!

Turning 30

2005-04-12T03:42:00.000Z

balloon
Originally uploaded by Naked Writer.

Tomorrow, a very good friend of ours turns 30 (Happy Birthday Steve!). Which means that there's only 5 months and 5 days until I reach that milestone too. eek!

When I was a kid, people who were 30 seemed so adult. These were the true 'grown ups', who lived mysterious lives full of houses and work and cars and kids. They were sensible, responsible adults, people who I was in awe of because of their calm approach to life. They never seemed to have stresses or problems, they always knew exactly what to do and when to do it, and the thought of ever being like that was completely alien to me.

Actually, the thought of being like that still seems completely alien to me. I look around at 30-somethings who have poise, grace and style, and seem to float effortlessly through life. Then I look at myself and wonder how you get from the binge-drinking, debt-ridden, grunge princess that I seem to be to those other 30-somethings.

Sure, I have a few of the 'life ticks' under my belt already. House, husband, dog, car, job, debts (did I mention those already?!), even the odd grey hair or a hundred. But how do I get the maturity and the serenity that everyone else seems to have?

You know what I reckon? Everyone else feels exactly the same as me. Let's look at a famous person who'll also be 30 this year... let me see.... Angelina Jolie. Sure she's got it all, she's hot, she's rich, she's talented, she's got a sprog, but she's also got 2 failed marriages and is a bit - well, weird (in a nice way). I wonder if she thinks the same as me - and I reckon, for all the Oscar parties, swanky dresses and drooling men, she does. (Still wish I could be her though!)

So maybe turning 30 isn't so bad after all, it's just another milestone in life that you get past and wonder what all the fuss was about. I'll ask Steve tomorrow ; )